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July 10, 2020 · 8 Comments

School During a Pandemic: Send Them or Keep Them Home (why you need to decide for yourself)

Home & Family· Playground Opinions

Playground Opinions
kids headed back to school

First, I want to be clear, I get why hospitals, pediatric organizations or public health departments are saying that children should return to school. When it comes to the economic toll of not having them in school, they need to go back. I get why they are concerned for children’s socialization, the mental health of some, the food needs of some, the isolation of some, the learning of some and because of the horrible truth that when schools shut down some children lost a much needed escape from unhealthy home environments. I am not in any way minimizing the needs of these children. Many children drastically benefit from school attendance.

But some don’t and I am struggling with the blanket statements and the assumptions of these reports that they know what is best for each and every one of our children.

This is a time to make your own decisions

at the bottom of this post you will have the opportunity to grab my free decision making worksheet!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see my full disclosure for further information.


Decisions can be hard at any time, and with the world in the throws of a pandemic, there are added layers we have never dealt with before. .

As always, what I advocate for is autonomy and the ability of families to make decisions that work for them and their own unique circumstances. It is unlikely that every family is sharing in all of the exact same experiences through this. There are a lot of shared experiences, but as unique individuals with varied life experiences and varied biases, our own perspectives, resiliency, and communication styles are going to impact our children during this time. Even if on the surface our “pandemic experience” appears to mirror that of a neighbor, there will be differences.

I am also an advocate of being an active participant in your child’s education, and that includes thoughtful decision making. While for me, that β€œnormallyβ€œ means active participation in school council events, it also means consistent advocacy for my children’s needs, and that part isn’t any different now. I need to look at what they need, given who they are as people and given our family needs, and make decisions based on those things.


I am having a reaction every time I read a headline that goes something like “Such and such organization recommends the full return of school for all children.”

Why!? Why would one path be the right path for all of the children? Since when is every child the same? Since when did every child benefit from our mainstream (and often outdated) education system, even prior to the pandemic? What makes them think that school attendance is what is impacting our children the most or on the flip side going to make them ok through this pandemic?

Let’s call it as it is

The economy needs children to return to school. The economy needs people to feel like life is “normal.” The hospitals that are sending out reports are inundated with children and families who are struggling. They generally don’t see the children who are thriving. Public health is also concerned for the well-being of the adults at home with their children, not just the children (a valid concern). Our system still supports an industrialized school system that generally follows a one-size-fits-all approach (although children who learn differently do *hopefully* have accommodations) so their approach to a return is likely to be one-size-fits all as well.

There is always good and bad

There is always good and bad in every situation. What have they been for your child and family during this time?

I can tell you ours. My children miss their friends. I miss my friends, my alone time and I struggle with having to be “on” at all times. There is no reprieve. They bicker ALL. OF. THE. TIME. and it is enough to make me want to jump off the roof some days.

We have shifted into a multi-generational family household during this time and it is HARD some days. We have missed in person milestones with those that we love dearly, and it has broken my heart. Our family will (I’m assuming) welcome a new baby into the extended family, without the privilege of holding them and bonding with them from day one.

I miss grabbing a Starbucks and wandering HomeSense (insert Target, Marshall’s, whatever your store of choice is). Mostly we just miss the carefree, don’t-have-to-overthink, can-do-as-we-please kind of days. It is hard living with a cloud over your head.

The goods though, they outweigh the bads. Never have I ever thought I would have the privilege and luxury of being home with my children EVERY SINGLE DAY for months on end. I am a working mother. Balance is always hard and I often don’t have enough time (even when I put whatever I can on automation). The balance has always been there, now it is just different, but I am home with them, and incredibly thankful for that. They fight every single day, but they are spending way more time together and I am pretty confident that their relationship and problem solving skills are going to come out stronger than they were before this time.

Our List Goes On

We have hunkered down at their grandparents home for childcare help and so that we could outsmart the physical distancing thing right from the start (we are all one household and isolate together). My grandmother (aka their great grandmother) was in the process of moving in with my parents, and that was expedited when the world started shutting down. We are now four generations under one roof. It is HARD, but my children are growing. They are growing in their empathy, in their compassion, and in their patience.

They are spending WAY MORE time outdoors and in nature. We have started doing yoga every day. They are learning to cook because we are being afforded a different schedule and more time together. They have invented games. I finally gave in to letting them start YouTube channels (a win for them, but I am still not sure how I feel about this!). Life is slower.

I have taught them by meeting them where they are at. They are getting 1 on 1 schooling based on their own learning styles. My littlest who is super active and probably should spend his days climbing trees rather than sitting at a desk, is actually doing that (and his mental health has improved dramatically because of this, there literally are no words to explain how happy my mom heart is). My introverted oldest is seeing friends but isn’t forced into spending all day every day with them, she has been hoping for this situation her whole life.

We have found creative ways to keep connected, realized what relationships are really important to us, learned more about ourselves and our priorities and we have tried our hands at new skills. The first few weeks were all about survival, but we have learned a new way of being and we have a new appreciation for our time and relationships. We have grown.

If your little ones are struggling with worry and anxiety, whether because of school or home from school, check out our favorite books for children that deal with worry and anxiety!

Where am I going with this?

At the end of the day, your life doesn’t have to be dictated by the headlines, nor should it be. What does YOUR child need? What does YOUR family need? There is no cookie cutter answer for this question. There never is with parenting, I am not sure why we would pretend there is with this.

Every single day I get messages from friends, from colleagues, from relatives, struggling in one way or another about sending kids back to school. Some want to send them but feel guilty or are scared about the safety risks. Others don’t want to send them, but feel they are the only ones who won’t. They feel like they are “supposed” to. Some plan to send them back for a little while and plan to pull them out if numbers start to climb. The commonality in these messages is the pressure they feel around making their choice. They are pressured from their own social group, from the teachers in their community, from their workplaces, from the headlines, from “expectation” of others.

It would be ridiculous, and unkind, to say that these decisions are 100% ours to make and that we shouldn’t let any external factor impact us. It just wouldn’t be true. For a parent that does not have childcare, the option to keep their child home is really not an option. There are external circumstances that impact each and every one of us, for better or worse. Some life circumstances can be changed, some cannot. It would be unfair to assume that a creative solution can always be found.

Let’s Pause for a Moment

However, what this can offer us is a pause. A pause to assess. For those who have never been quite ok with the mandated school requirement, for those who have wondered about homeschooling or unschooling, or alternatives like forest and nature school, for those who just went through the motions of sending their kids to school when they turned 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6 depending where you are) it’s a chance to consider if that was/is right for your child.

For parents who have assumed their child didn’t do well in a mainstream school environment, it’s a chance to reflect. The same goes for those who have assumed their children have thrived. This time is an opportunity for those who have wondered about a different way of being. For some they have seen their children blossom outside of the school walls. For others, this time has reinforced how school benefits their children, why they should be there, how they thrive in that environment. Every child is unique, and so should the decision making process for this.

You get to decide

The messages will continue to roll out from the “powers that be” about why your child should attend school. Most of our countries have a certain way of doing things. The expectation is that the majority of people will fall in line or just genuinely agree that those ways are best. Sometimes they are.

But YOU get to decide for your child (hopefully while considering their voice.) Consider everything in your life, but let go of the pressures, expectations and headlines. Do what is best for your child and your family. You know your family best. The newspapers that are writing headlines, they are considering all aspects of their needs. You need to consider yours. Read the reports, but keep a reflective mind when you do. If you are exhausted and can’t think anymore and need the reports to tell you what to do, that’s ok too. Just make a decision based on the needs of your family, and yours alone, whatever those needs are.

If my message seems bias…

If my message seems to be that of advocating against returning to school, please know that it is not.

I am, however, advocating for you to decide for yourself during this time (as always). The mainstream expectation is to send them to school. So, it would naturally seem that encouraging people to stop and reflect and decide if that is right for them, seems as though I am encouraging people to do the opposite. But that is not the case.

I want you to be happy and safe and I want you do do what feels right for your family. I am protective of my friends, and I’m protective of you. That means I don’t want you to allow any more “givens” in your life than you need to.. My intention is to encourage you to pause, reflect, consider critically. It is to encourage you to make a decision that helps your family thrive and your Mama heart be happy.

Want to take a look at the decision-making form?

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Samantha | A Thriving State of Mind says

    July 13, 2020 at 2:38 am

    It’s a very conflicting time & decision. The bottom line is we all want the best for our kids. Thank you for encouraging parents to think it through for themselves rather than bowing to pressure from either side!

    Reply
    • Your Best Mom Friend says

      July 13, 2020 at 2:43 am

      You’re so right, it is such a conflicting time and such a difficult decision! I only hope we can all find ways to support one another, rather than letting differences of opinions divide us 🀞

      Reply
  2. Kim says

    July 13, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    Great article. This is going to be a pivotal time for parents to decide what is best for their children. I have been a public school teacher as well as a homeschool parent, so I can see both sides. However, there is no one size fits all for all families. A lot of people have been asking me about homeschooling lately though, so I definitely think for those parents who are able to will make the jump to homeschooling in the fall.

    Reply
    • Your Best Mom Friend says

      July 13, 2020 at 6:24 pm

      I agree completely! I can see both sides and see why different options would work for different families in different circumstances. I find it to be overwhelming, and anxiety inducing, if we sit back and wait for all of the latest “updates.” One of the best things we can do to manage our own stress is to seek information and develop a plan that works for us (while trying to let go of the expectations of others) – it’s so great that people have been doing exactly that by reaching out to you! It’s easier said than done, but I am hoping that people are able to find their own path this upcoming school year, whether it is returning to school or forging a new path for their families.

      Reply
  3. Chiara Armstrong says

    July 13, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    Well said. It is such a personal decision on each family and maybe for each family member’s needs. I’m fortunate to work for a school district that is giving parents three options to start school in 2 weeks – regular full day school in classrooms, a hybrid of core classes online but can come to school for extra curricular like band/art/lab science, etc., and a full online option that families must commit to for the whole school year. These may not be idea for each student’s needs but at least there are options beyond an all or none approach.

    Reply
    • Your Best Mom Friend says

      July 13, 2020 at 6:28 pm

      That is so great Chiara! We were supposed to be looking at having all three of those models prepared and ready to go here, with all schools starting with a hybrid model and individual boards being able to adjust between the models as need be for their area after that. That plan made good sense to me (it allowed families to do what was right for them) but it seems expectations keep changing. We shall see where things land closer to school (we don’t return here until September). That is interesting about your online commitment piece and being able to attend for extra curricular activities. Those parts haven’t been brought up here yet – so far!

      Reply
  4. Gina says

    August 1, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    This is a difficult time for parents and children. As a parent, I say send them back to school. I have spent the past few months preaching and teaching hand washing, mask, social distancing and so on…Children need to socialize with other children. They need to connect with others their own age.

    Reply
    • Your Best Mom Friend says

      August 1, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Gina! This is such a difficult time, like you said, so good for you for finding clarity in your thoughts and feelings around this decision πŸ™‚

      Reply

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This book is the sweetest πŸ’• We are so thankfulπŸ™πŸ» this was #gifted to us by @piccopuppy! 

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We have already read this book so many times and I adore watching my children get lost in thought while they listen to me read. Every time we have sat down with this book it has triggered important conversations and reflections on their own lives and choices. πŸ₯°

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And do you want to build him up high? πŸ™„

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By supporting her in her idea πŸ’‘ to build her snowman up high, guess who got to do those 100 steps? That’s right. Mom πŸ™‹πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

Because of course she couldn’t let him go. She HAD to stay with him β›„ 

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I’m such a sucker πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ Another fun snow day in the books πŸ“š 

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We have loved our @playosmo since the second we got it! πŸ‘πŸ» When the schools shut down last year I don’t think I could have told more people about how much they needed one πŸ˜†β£
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It supplements our home school curriculum beautifully and gives extra support for our public schooler in a way that makes learning at home so much fun πŸ€Έβ€β™€οΈ. ⁣
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Today I walked into the room to find this kiddo cozied up at her desk in the sun β˜€ , playing away, making potions πŸ§ͺ, and shrieking with delight as she worked towards the next stage of the game πŸ’• Math doesn’t come naturally to her, and it has never been something she opts to do independently, until now! {insert happy mom dance πŸ’ƒ }⁣
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I love that she got this out independently, not because it’s math time, but just for entertainment because she loves it πŸ˜€!! I’m not sure if it’s the wizards, potion-making, animated characters, or all of the above, but I will take it! πŸ™‹πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ ⁣
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I love that this game will grow with her as her skills expand so the curriculum-inspired potion-making πŸ§ͺcan continue for a long time to comeπŸ‘πŸ» ⁣
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If you’re looking to bring some magical learning to your home check out all of the @playosmo learning choices at www.playosmo.com or through the Amazon affiliate link in my bio πŸ’•
𝔻𝕠 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 π•”π•™π•šπ•π•• 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕑𝕣𝕠𝕔𝕖𝕀𝕀𝕖𝕀 π•–π•žπ• π•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ π•₯π•™π•£π• π•¦π•˜π•™ π•žπ• π•§π•–π•žπ•–π•Ÿπ•₯? πŸ™‹πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

There is so much more to play than a way to spend time ⏰

We are all aware of the physical benefits of active play ⛹️‍♂️ but what we sometimes overlook are the emotional benefits πŸ’œ

I’ve got a β€œbusy” πŸ‘¦πŸΌ boy who needs to move like he needs to breathe! 

He processes his emotions through movement. Active toys πŸ›Ή let him:

✨express built up or suppressed emotions
✨build coping skills
✨increase body-based awareness 
✨take body breaks to help focus
✨ expel physical emotion so he can engage more in conversation 

It has been a weird (aka HARD) last year. A recent conversation with our Naturopathic Doctor πŸ‘©πŸ»β€βš•οΈ reminded me that this kid processes his emotions through movement.

That reminder was definitely needed! πŸ’•

We did some reorganizing and now have an indoor trampoline and active toys like this awesome board (@spoonerboards) nearby throughout the day β˜€οΈ. His ability to self-regulate now amazes meπŸ’•. 

When he’s getting stressed from school, is frustrated with something (usually his sister πŸ‘§πŸΌ) or is just feeling sad, he’ll hop on the trampoline or jump on his #spoonerboard and noticeably feel better in minutes 😍

He also wants to be all of the things (snowboarder πŸ‚, surfer πŸ„β€β™‚οΈ & skateboarder πŸ›Ή) so this training board has been amazing for building confidence, increasing balance, and helping him feel he is on the way to accomplishing his goals πŸ‘πŸ»

Link for @spoonerboards is in my bio (affiliate link) πŸ’•
π”Έπ•Ÿπ•ͺπ• π•Ÿπ•– 𝕔𝕒π•₯𝕔𝕙 π•₯ π”Έπ•Ÿπ•ͺπ• π•Ÿπ•– 𝕔𝕒π•₯𝕔𝕙 π•₯π•™π•šπ•€ π•šπ•Ÿ π•žπ•ͺ 𝕀π•₯π• π•£π•šπ•–π•€ π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕠π•₯𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕒π•ͺ? πŸ™ƒ

We have been relishing in our slow time together at home and have been doing so much baking. 

The kids have been loving having baking/decorating competitions...but I’m running out of items to compete over! 

Ideas?! πŸ‘‡πŸ»
β€œπ•€π•Ÿ 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣π•ͺ π•¨π•’π•π•œ β€œπ•€π•Ÿ 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣π•ͺ π•¨π•’π•π•œ π•¨π•šπ•₯𝕙 π•Ÿπ•’π•₯𝕦𝕣𝕖, π• π•Ÿπ•– π•£π•–π•”π•–π•šπ•§π•–π•€ 𝕗𝕒𝕣 π•žπ• π•£π•– π•₯π•™π•’π•Ÿ 𝕙𝕖 π•€π•–π•–π•œπ•€.”
π•π• π•™π•Ÿ π•„π•¦π•šπ•£

Today, it was the simple wish to make a snow angel, which of course lead to pondering how to get up without undoing his careful work, which lead to better problem solving skills and creativity. 

He doesn’t see his learning, but I do πŸ’•
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#snowfun #snow #snowplay #1000hoursoutside #outdoorfun #outdoorplay #outdoorkids #snowkids #kidfun #winterplay #yourbestmomfriend #kidsplay #winteractivities #snowactivities #kidsactivities #familyfun #canadianwinter #familytime #canadianmom #winterkids #canadianwinter #funinthesnow #homeschooling #canadianhomeschooler #homeschoollife

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