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May 8, 2020 · 2 Comments

Sleep Tips for Children: From Chaos to Calm

Home & Family

Looking for a gentle way to support your child’s sleep routine, without making bedtime a battle? This one is for you!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see my full disclosure for further information.

I learned some time ago that sleep doesn’t actually depend on a bedtime routine at all, but rather an entire evening routine. Kids often need a lot more time to transition than adults, and I’ve learned the hard way that rushing bedtime routines (when they are guaranteed to want to all of a sudden talk about everything they didn’t want to talk about earlier) will only backfire and leave us all stressed, upset, and falling asleep later than ever.

Types of sleep

While people have a general idea of the importance of sleep, most don’t realize quite how important it is, or how different types of sleep impact your child’s body. 
The National Sleep Foundation offers the following definitions of types/states of sleep:

Non-Rapid Eye Movement (NREM) or “quiet” sleep. During the deep states of NREM sleep, blood supply to the muscles is increased, energy is restored, tissue growth and repair occur, and important hormones are released for growth and development.

Rapid Eye Movement(REM) or “active” sleep. During REM sleep, our brains are active and dreaming occurs. Our bodies become immobile, breathing and heart rates are irregular.
It’s easy to see, even from these brief definitions, the importance of healthy sleep cycles. While REM sleep services our brain, NREM sleep services our bodies. On average,children’s sleep cycles are about 50 minutes, whereas adults are 90 minutes.  


How Much Sleep Is needed?

The amount of sleep that is needed varies with the age of the child, however, there are guidelines for each age group. 

The following sleep chart summarizes the number of hours that each age group needs, as outlined by WebMD.

recommended sleep amounts
*based on information provided by WebMD


While I totally trust that you can do the math, this little calculator can be fun to play with and gives you an quick note on what time your children should go to bed, based on their age and wake times.


Bedtime routines

The importance of a bedtime routine is not likely to be new information to you! 
Our routine start time is not always as consistent as I would like it to be, and while I do believe that going to bed at the same time (and getting up at the same time) does a world of good, my personal belief is that the key is in the sequence of events.

It’s probably also important to note, that I let go of a specific bed “time”. If we weren’t in bed at the “right time” my stress went up, the mood shifted, and we actually ended to bed even later, and without such a warm and snugly bedtime. Once I let go of the “time” and instead just focused on the evening routine, bedtimes became much smoother, much happier, and sleeps were much more restful.

Our bedtime routine actually starts after dinner, because it is about setting the stage for bedtime, rather than just getting into bed. 

If you scroll all the way through to the bottom you can download a copy of our Evening Routine printable.

sleep environment

Setting the stage for bedtime starts with your evening! 

After dinner, when the kitchen is all cleaned up, we move into a quiet activity (there are no screens after dinner through the week, but the kids get a good choice of activities -you’ll see on the bedtime printable), our lights get dimmed, and the kitchen diffuser gets turned on with one of my favourite evening blends. 

Long before the kids head upstairs, I have prepped upstairs for bedtime. This happens during the day, or during their after dinner quiet time. Beds are turned down, pajamas are laid out, hall lights are dimmed, night stand lights are turned on, and overhead lights go off. Our salt therapy air purifiers, HEPA filters, and diffusers are turned on, and bedroom floors are cleared of anything that has been left lying about. This is such an important step to me. It takes maybe 10 minutes, tops, but it ensures that when the children shift upstairs, they enter an environment that tells them it is bedtime. 

On school nights we typically don’t do full baths, as they can turn into hour long ordeals in our house, but we do showers, or if it is not a shower night, we do a foot soak. The kids love foot soaks! We often all sit on the edge of the tub, with dim lighting and our favourite bedtime bath salts in the water, while I read bedtime stories. 

Our sleep environment staples include:

  1. Salt therapy air purifiers
  2. White noise (we use our HEPA filters for this!)
  3. Diffusers with bedtime blends
  4. Dim lighting
  5. Hot water bottles tucked under their blankets at the foot of the bed (they love the “coziness” of this!)

Connection that fosters feelings of love, safety, and relaxation

This is (by far) the most important part of bedtime to me. This is our time at the end of the day to pause, connect with each other, share the experience of our day, and bring the focus back to our relationship and love for one another. There are a number of ways that we have done this over the years. Some options for you to try:

Cuddly Conversation

We always start bedtime routine with conversation. We snuggle, I ask about their day, we talk about the best part of our day, anything that made us sad and angry, and hopes for the next day. I do this first because it helps us to start bedtime with connection and because there is something magical about that moment when we finally get to snuggle in together after a long day. It also helps limit all of the last minute questions and commentary that can sometimes pop up just as you are leaving the room as a means of preventing bedtime!

Bedtime stories

We love our bedtime stories! Hands down the kids favourite is The Book With No Pictures. If you haven’t read it to your kids, you should. That being said, it is not my favourite for bedtime because they get so silly reading it! 

I love books that have a deeper meaning or help ease into relaxation. I love Thank You Body, Thank You Heart: A Gratitude and Self-Compassion Practice for Bedtime. My oldest loves it as well, but also loves us reading chapter books together. My youngest loves his books about the stars and the moon.

We have always had a huge library of books in the house for them. We enjoy browsing the bookstore on family date nights, or getting them as gifts. Check out my favourite books series to see our favourites!

bedtime yoga

We love watching a quick yoga video before bed (this is the only way I break our no screens after dinner rule on school nights!). Sometimes we will read a yoga book, but most often we just pull up a favourite video on YouTube. My kiddos are fans of Cosmic Kids Yoga.

massage

We use a lot of essential oils in our home and they are incorporated into our bedtime routine. They are in our diffusers, and we use them in rollerball form, but at bedtime I also like to give little foot massages. Physical touch is incredibly important for a child’s development. Most importantly to me, at bedtime, it helps to nurture feelings of love and trust between us and supports them in feeling safe and protected. You can read more about our bedtime oil routines here.

songs

I am sure most of you have spent years singing to your little ones at bedtime, and our home is no different. Before I give a final tuck in we often sing an old lullaby that has been passed from generation to generation. None of us know what it is, but my best guess is that it is an adaptation of an old German cradle song. I would love suggestions if you have found a beautiful bedtime song!

Listening to meditation apps

Recently my oldest has taken to listening to a meditation app at bedtime. This is a struggle for me! I very much want her to be able to listen to a meditation story at bedtime, but I don’t want the screen/technology in her room. For now I am allowing it on weekends, and am sneaking in to take it as she falls asleep, but I am working on a better solution to this! It may involve speakers in her room that are connected to her device in another room!? I haven’t gotten this figured out yet but am open to suggestions if you have some!

Bedtime sets the stage for a healthy sleep, a parent’s evening relaxation, strong immune systems, amongst other things, so we take it pretty seriously!

Check out our list of favorite sound machines, night lights, and sleep trainers to help support your kiddo’s sleep habits!


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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Manju. says

    July 31, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    ‘Bed Time Yoga’ I have never heard of this. Sounds interesting. I will check how this works with my younger one.

    Reply
    • Your Best Mom Friend says

      July 31, 2020 at 2:57 pm

      It has helped my kiddos tremendously over the years!

      Reply

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𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 𝕄𝕦𝕚𝕣

Today, it was the simple wish to make a snow angel, which of course lead to pondering how to get up without undoing his careful work, which lead to better problem solving skills and creativity. 

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This is the most beautiful tribute to little boys everywhere. It perfectly embodies so many of the lessons that my Mama heart wants to impart on my sweet (& wild) boy.

We always give books, inscribed with hand written love notes from Mom & Dad for Valentine’s Day, rather than a card. This year Dear Boy & Dear Girl will be given to my little crew 💕

✍️ Paris Rosenthal
🎨 Holly Hatam
✨ A book full of sweet messages, lessons, values and love. 

Sneak peak in stories. Link in Bio. 
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I’m pretty sure we crossed off math, science, art and life skills by making popcorn balls today...no? 💁🏼‍♀️

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ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕖𝕤𝕥, 𝕕𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜? 💁🏼‍♀️

We absolutely love playing in the kitchen. 👩🏼‍🍳

Kids learn so much in the kitchen, from math and science to important life skills like problem solving and creativity. 

Nothing beats the learning that comes with hands on activities and there’s no better motivation than learning your way to yummy treats! 🙃

We’ve been working out some kinks lately to find what is now our favourite banana bread recipe. They’ve been changing things up, adjusting ingredients and baking times, and even playing with bakeware to get the exact texture and taste they want. Today they found it 🥰 

We were also working on equivalent fractions as Mama purposefully provided measuring cups that were missing the measurements they needed 😉

The kids “perfect banana bread” is up on yourbestmomfriend.com 💕 Link in Bio! 

You will also find info on the awesome heart shaped mold we used! 💜

#kidsinthekitchen #kitchenskills #learninginthekitchen #littlechefs #kitchenhelpers #kidsactivities #handsonlearning #handsonactivities #reallifemath #reallifescience #21stcenturylearning #playfullearning #kidswhobake #homeschoollife #homeschoolmom #familyactivities #lifewithkids #lifeskills #littlebakers #bananabread #bananamuffins #learningthroughplay #homeschoolers #homeschool #kidapproved #kidfriendlyrecipes #recipesforkids #kidfriendlyrecipe
Tell me you play Racko 💁🏼‍♀️ We have Tell me you play Racko 💁🏼‍♀️

We have literally spent hours playing this today. 

The kids love the strategy aspect, I love the learning disguised in play. 

It’s win-win. 

If you haven’t played before, it’s a really simple concept, collecting and  trading cards in order to hold a rack of sequenced cards. Special runs increase your points, but the first player to have all of their cards from smallest to largest wins - or can take their chances at increasing points before calling Racko! 

We sometimes use this during what would be our math period as they learn a lot about number sequence and probability. 

What are you family’s favourite games that disguise learning in the fun?!
It’s that time of year again 💁🏼‍♀️ It’s that time of year again 💁🏼‍♀️

Time for fresh starts and putting our best foot forward. 

There’s such a beautiful feeling that comes with getting everything out of the house that really doesn’t need to be there...I think it’s called relaxation 😘

But I’m all seriousness, it really does support wellness ~ both emotionally and physically. (Did you know it is actually linked to healthier food choices like less snacking?!)

It’s also an awesome way to teach positive life choices and involve kids in family responsibilities and rituals. 🥰

My favourite part? It creates more time in our lives to spend with those we love 💕 

There’s no better time than now (and when we are all spending more time at home.) 

New post up on the blog, including free printables 👏

My kids LOVE the kids checklist (have I mentioned they think they are super independent 😂)
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Do you have a little gamer? 🎮 (Link for MarioK Do you have a little gamer? 🎮

(Link for MarioKart Home Circuit is in my bio 😃)

I used to worry a lot about video games, but I don’t anymore.

In fact, I now embrace his love of gaming and whole heartedly support it - because he is growing and expanding so much with them. 

He is learning team work, patience, commitment, problem solving, strategizing, money management and is even growing by way of emotional regulation. 

Through lock downs he’s stayed connected to friends and family through online play and family game nights have been taken to a whole new place sometimes! 

This little one has dreams of becoming an engineer and creating games and he is eager to learn any and all skills that help him achieve those dreams. 

He has also helped me to open my mind, shift my thinking and embrace the unexpected good in something I was, at one point, firmly against. 

Video games have been a perfect example of why I choose free play, why I choose playful learning, and the importance of not setting limits simply for the sake of setting them. 

I’ll be forever thankful for the fun and the growth he’s accomplished because of the imaginative worlds he’s become absorbed in through his games. 

In this picture he’s playing MarioKart Live Home Circut from @nintendo. 

This has brought him SO MUCH joy. Oddly enough, he’s also bonded with his great grandmother in a new way as he playfully torments her with it 🤦🏼‍♀️

Tell me how your kids have expanded your thinking?! 👇🏻
Come on Canada, do your thing ❄️ We are in ne Come on Canada, do your thing ❄️

We are in need of some packing snow! ☃️

We are absolutely in love with this Igloo from @playsnowigloostructures 🥰

If it hadn’t been rainy up until today I would have had a really hard time waiting on Christmas to give this to the kids 💁🏼‍♀️

This comes in pieces that very easily snap together. When you cover it with packing snow the frame is hidden and you have a very special, and very fun, Igloo structure. How amazing is that?! 

You can buy additional Igloos and tunnels to attach them together and my kids are already wishing for additions to make themselves an Igloo “city” 🤞🏻💁🏼‍♀️

We are bundled up, enjoying the beautiful snowy day, now we just need the right snow to get our Igloo play on!! 
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